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The Hog In The 21st Century
Phillip & Robert King
ISBN 0 7134 8297 4, 144 pages, £10.99 - Available From Batsford Books

This hand is from a match between the Griffins' two leading players, Themistocles Papadopoulos and the Hideous Hog. Papa had recruited a European Champion, Beppo Walensky, for his team. "If Beppo has to have you, I had better take the Rabbit," H.H. had taunted. This duly goaded Papa into accepting a huge bet at favourable odds - that is, favourable to the Hog. This was the last board of the match.

			R.R
			J 8 7 6 3
			A
			A K Q 10 9 5
			A
	Beppo	N W E S		.	T.T.
	-				A K Q 10
	J 10 9 8 7 4				6 5 2
	8 7				4 3 2
	10 7 6 5 2				9 8 3
			H.H
			9 5 4 2
			K Q 3
			J 6
			K Q J 4

West	North	East	South
	1	Pass	1
Pass	5	Dble	7NT
Pass	Pass	Dble	Rdble
All Pass

The Hog had no doubt that only a huge swing could save him from an unthinkable defeat. His chances seemed remote, until the Toucan's emotional reaction to the Rabbit's unusually intelligent five spade bid. T.T. gave three bounces of astonishment, and asked incredulously for a review of the auction before he doubled his dearest friend.

Later, H.H. suggested that Timothy could have improved his performance by asking if a defender could claim a hundred honours. Hoping with good reason that Beppo was void in spades, the Hog immediately decided to remove to no trumps. But how many? Never one for half measures, he leapt to seven!

In the rational atmosphere of bridge at the summit, Beppo Walenski could well have deduced from the auction that a diamond lead might disrupt declarer's communications. But thinking rationally with the Rabbit and the Toucan at the table was like trying to compose a symphony in the Tower of Babel. When he chose to lead the J, the Hog gloatingly collected thirteen highly immoral tricks.

"Everyone believed that, when Mollo died, any new stories about the Griffins had died with him, but ... the two kings of parody have stylishly resurrected the Hideous Hog and his fellow Griffins." Bridge Plus